-Deb£¡ -What?
I can't see. I hate this side of the bed. I can't see the TV from here.
What do you mean? You picked that side.
I didn't know it was gonna be my side for Iife.
I gotta watch TV with a big foot in the middIe of the screen.
I'm trying to get the weather. I can onIy get from Wednesday over.
Do you wanna switch sides?
What? After seven years?
I'II be aII out of whack over there.
Maybe you'II do better with your next wife.
My next wife isn't gonna have feet.
Right.
I'II be abIe to watch the TV and I'II never have to go dancing.
Hi I'm Ray. I Iive here in Long IsIand...
with my wife Debra...
my five-year-oId daughter and twin aImost two-year-oId boys.
My parents Iive across the street.
That's right.
The truth is I'd do anything for my famiIy.
And done.
Oh no.
Debra£¡
Honey£¡
Somebody caII my father£¡ I'm hyperventiIating£¡
Yeah it's a charity drive Linda.
We take anything you wanna get rid of.
No not him.
Hang on. Ray can you get that pIease?
I'm aII boxed in over here.
Coming£¡
-What are the twins doing? -They're pIaying.
MichaeI thinks he's in a car Geoffrey just thinks he's in a box.
The kid's got no imagination.
Brought some stuff over for the church drive.
-Great. -It's a IittIe heavy.
-Thanks that's sweet. What is it? -My weight set.
-You're not working out anymore? -No I'm Iosing some of my fIexibiIity.
Having troubIe shampooing.
There's a Iot of stuff here.
Lot of ugIy stuff.
Who wouId buy this?
You bought it for me.
How come you never wear it?
Ray you're giving this away?
What is it?
Oh my God Debra what're you doing?
What? It's just an oId basebaII.
Just a basebaII? Just a basebaII£¡
I've had this thing for 25 years.
This is my autographed Mickey MantIe baII.
Debra£¡
Sorry. So Mickey MantIe signed it.
So?
This is Iike having a BibIe signed by....
-It's exactIy the same. -That's right.
My dad got me this when I was 10.
-Remember? -Yeah I remember.
You got Mickey MantIe I got Art Shamsky.
You wanted Art Shamsky.
He homered his first Major League at-bat.
Then after that right to the dumper.
-He couId stiII become famous. -Yeah if he shoots someone famous.
I haven't thought about this baII in years.
Hi Ray. MistIetoe.
I'm not kissing you buddy. You're aII hands.
You used to Iove that about me.
What's with aII the boxes?
This is my stuff. Deb and I....
It ain't happening.
That's too bad.
Mind if I caII her?
It's a charity drive for the needy Andy.
Great£¡ What can I have?
It's not for the emotionaIIy needy.
Andy did I ever show you that? That's my Mickey MantIe.
You met the MickeIe?
No my dad got it for me. Pretty incredibIe huh?
Yeah if Mickey reaIIy signed it.
What are you taIking about?
Didn't you see that thing on 60 Minutes?
AII this signed stuff is Iike 70% fake.
Like back then the trainers wouId sign aII the baIIs.
You know I saw that.
Raymond this may not be reaI.
That's a shame.
Yeah right. Dad got this for me himseIf. AII right?
Maybe MorIey Safer's wrong.
-Andy wanna go for a sIice? -Sure. You in Ray?
No go ahead. You guys go.
AII right come on peppy.
Listen Andy can I borrow that mistIetoe?
I wanna break the ice with the woman in Homicide.
You okay Ray?
What if they're right what if he didn't sign this?
Come on Ray I don't even remember you ever Iooking at that baII.
It's been buried in the cIoset since we moved here.
No not buried. Tucked away.
You don't get it. Mickey MantIe signed this to me.
To Ray.
Then he wishes me Iuck. Good Iuck.
Then he signs it£º ¡°Mickey MantIe.¡±
Look how the ¡°Y¡± in the Ray is the same as the ¡°Y¡± in the Mickey.
You know for one moment the greatest pIayer that I ever saw...
was thinking about me.
I know it sounds stupid but this guy is the reason that I'm a sportswriter.
This guy is Mickey MantIe.
ActuaIIy that's beautifuI Ray.
It's very passionate.
You remember what you said to me when you proposed?
So how about it?
Why do you insist on making this car-wreck our Christmas tree every year?
I want a reaI tree.
An artificiaI tree saves water...
saves the forest and saves the pIanet.
I'm a conservationist.
You're cheap.
AII right I'm saving money.
I hate this thing.
Fine then there'II be nothing under it for you.
Like I need another Totes umbreIIa.
Ray darIing£¡
Merry Christmas£¡
Merry Christmas.
Did RockefeIIer Center turn it down again this year?
It's a shame. Here Ma. Debra says thanks for the cIothes.
-What cIothes? -It's your junk.
Like that ratty moth-eaten gray sweater.
Moth-eaten? Marie I Iove that sweater.
And I don't wanna see any wiId-eyed weirdo...
marching around in my cIothes.
WeIcome to my worId Frank.
HoIidays are a very stressfuI time for your mother.
-How are things at your house? -Yeah we're busy too.
As a matter of fact we were cIeaning things out this morning...
and Iook what I found.
-Remember this? -Look at that£¡
God I remember when I brought this home for you.
What were you Iike 10?
You ran aII around the neighborhood showing it to the other kids right?
Yeah. So Mickey MantIe reaIIy signed it.
Who toId you that?
You did£¡
What Mickey MantIe didn't sign this baII? This isn't reaI?
It's a reaI baII.
I don't beIieve this. So you never met him?
No.
What's the matter with you?
No nothing.
It Iooks Iike I'm the onIy normaI one here.
How couId my father do this?
He knew what that baII meant to me.
Ray I'm sure it wasn't intentionaI.
-He probabIy didn't even think about it. -That's right.
He just thought it was okay to Iie to his kid.
Look everybody does that sometimes.
No I don't.
No?
What about No kids that's not a store.
¡°That's a toy museum.¡±
And my favorite one is...
¡°Daddy's just teaching Mommy how to wrestle.¡±
That's my favorite one too. But no more.
I'm not gonna Iie to my kids anymore.
-Yes you wiII Ray. -No I wiII not.
I'm not gonna do to them what my father did to me.
From now on onIy the truth.
When my kids Iook back at me I want them to be abIe to say...
¡°Okay I'm aII screwed up from that guy but he didn't Iie.¡±
What a IoveIy thought for our chiIdren Ray.
Can I have this doIIy Daddy?
No honey we're gonna give these toys to other kids for Christmas. Okay?
But you said Santa brings aII the toys.
I said Santa?
Doesn't he Daddy?
Daddy?
WouId you mind repeating the question?
Doesn't Santa bring aII the toys?
-To be honest-- -Don't you dare£¡
What Daddy?
Who wants cookies?
TeII me about Santa Daddy.
The answer I think honey...
comes down to the basic nature of reaIity.
Hokey-dokey?
No.
I don't know how to teII you this but--
Before Santa brings aII the toys honey...
we're just gonna be Santa's heIpers because...
he has so much to carry this year...
and he's out of shape.
That's nice.
So why don't you just go and pIay with your toys from Iast year...
and I'm gonna have a nice Iong taIk with your Daddy...
about the nature of his reaIity.
Okay here we go.
How couId you do that to her?
-What? I didn't do anything. -You were about to.
Ray I know you're upset with your father...
but how can you think about outing Santa?
WouId you rather she heard it on the streets?
PIease£¡
I'm sorry to have to do this Debra...
but Frank is absoIuteIy insisting he get his ratty oId sweater back.
which is probabIy the best thing that ever happened to the needy.
Go take it.
-What's the matter? -Nothing's the matter.
No nothing at aII...
except Ray was just about to teII AIIy the truth about Santa CIaus.
-You what? -No I didn't teII her.
My own son an atheist?
Not an atheist Mom.
I don't beIieve in Iying to my kids.
Stop being fooIish.
Now you go in there and teII AIIy aII about Santa CIaus...
his fIying reindeer his sIed and aII the rest of that maIarkey.
I don't think that that's the right thing.
What's the matter with you?
Nothing's the matter. I'm just protecting her.
Protecting her from what?
We didn't have that Santa CIaus discussion...
untiI you were 14 years oId.
Yeah but I knew about Santa when I was eight.
What did you wait tiII I was 14 for?
Your father wanted to cover sex and Santa aII at once.
Sort of get it over with.
Don't think that hasn't had repercussions.
-There you go Marie. -Thanks honey.
AIIy is 5 years oId you Scrooge.
Of course we Iie.
We aII Iie. That's what hoIds us aII together.
So you go in and Iie to your daughter...
and I'II go home and feed the man I Iove.
Ray come on. Are you stiII thinking about that basebaII?
No I'm thinking about a Iot of things now.
Like what?
Remember that guy that you went out with before me?
Eric Butterpants.
Eric Butterman Ray.
So you do remember him£¡
Yeah. What about him?
You aIways said to me that you were gIad that he broke up with you...
because otherwise you wouId have never met me.
So if he had never broken up with you...
wouId you have been gIadder?
You're reaIIy crazy you know that?
No how do I know I'm the one that you wanted to end up with?
Here's a hint Ray£º our three kids.
Yeah our three bIond kids.
I think that's the basebaII taIking.
How can I be sure of anything?
You don't beIieve in anything anymore?
That's right unIess I see it with my own eyes.
Merry Christmas£¡
Is AIIy here?
I understand there are doubts about me in this house.
There are now.
Come on Robert.
No you have me mistaken for some other party...
for I'm the joIIy oId Saint Nick£¡
Mom toId me what you did. Nice.
AIIy Iook it's Santa CIaus£¡
God£¡
-Santa? -Yes it is reaIIy I...
and I came to see you AIIy...
because I heard you were a very good girI this year...
and you're gonna get everything you want.
UnIike some other peopIe.
HoId the ho's. I wanna taIk to you for a minute.
I'm sorry I'm with a cIient.
And you may caII me Mr. CIaus.
Where's AIIy?
HoIy crap£¡
-What are you doing here? -I'm Santa CIaus.
You're Santa?
AII right wiII you guys cut it out? She's confused enough aIready.
What's to be confused about?
I'm the reaI Santa£¡
Who is this imposter?
WeII you couIdn't both be Santa.
You must be Santa's heIpers.
Right£¡ He's my heIper.
HeIper why don't you warm up the reindeer and bring the sIed around?
I bet you can't even name the reindeer.
RudoIph...
Donner BIitzen....
Those are the main ones.
We rotate them so they wear evenIy.
Cupid Ajax...
and Lefty.
Now we know the truth.
It's UncIe Robert.
No IittIe one...
I've onIy assumed the body of a Iife form that you wouId accept.
Robert you're Santa not a Klingon.
And that's Grandpa£¡
That's very good AIIy this is Grandpa.
Guys you couIdn't fooI her okay? Come on.
PuIIing the beard off Santa the nerve of this guy.
You wanna do some good go work the corner with a bucket.
Just for that no toys.
Why did they do that?
Honey it's just because Grandpa and UncIe Robert...
Iove you so much and they just wanted you to have a wonderfuI Christmas.
That's good. You think she's better off now?
They were just trying to heIp Ray.
Let them heIp by paying her shrink biIIs...
when she's having nightmares about two Santas and a reindeer named Lefty.
Hey Ray.
Dad do me a favor. Don't come over and make up stories to AIIy okay?
Come on I'm her grandfather. That's what I do.
I teII stories.
It's in the manuaI.
Like you toId me stories right Dad?
What is it?
You know how much this thing meant to me?
Come on Ray it's onIy a baII.
You're right Dad. That's aII it is now.
What's the matter with you?
You know how much it meant to me to have a Mickey MantIe...
and what did you do? You brought home a fake.
What was I supposed to do?
I didn't know Mickey MantIe.
And you wanted his autograph.
So I went back for five games...
and I stood by the stadium door...
and MantIe never came out.
So you just got some trainer to sign it.
No£¡
I signed it myseIf.
-You signed it? -Yeah.
I knew how much you wanted the thing...
so I practiced his signature over and over.
Not a bad job huh?
If I couId have gotten hoId of the Mick's checkbook...
we'd be having this discussion on a yacht.
Why didn't you just teII me the truth?
I didn't want you to be disappointed.
You're my kid.
I don't bIame you for being ticked off.
I'm sorry I signed it.
What're you doing?
I want it now.
You mean that even though you know that baII's a fake...
it stiII means something to you?
Yeah Dad.
Then this Christmas...
you're gonna Iove the RoIex I got you.
AIIy£¡
Santa?
Hi AIIy.
You must be the reaI one.
I know how much you beIieved in me...
and I just wanted to come by and say...
¡°Thanks for the support.¡±
WeIcome.
I have to go now. I have to fiII aII the stockings...
and eat aII the cookies and in generaI...
this is one of my busiest nights of the year.
WiII you tuck me in Santa?
Yeah sure I'II tuck you in.
Anything eIse that you need?
A jug of water? A trip to the bathroom?
No thank you.
Okay then.
Sweet dreams.
AIways.
-Santa. -Yeah?
See you next year.
Bye-bye.